Dear Destiny Friends,
Cross is a word that means several things to several people. For Christians, apart from serving as a symbol of their faith, it refers to the agony Jesus Christ had to experience for the salvation of mankind. For a married couple, it refers to their partner’s excesses. For a grown man, it means the various endeavours required to provide for the family. For the woman, it can mean carrying a child for nine months, while for parents, it can be training and providing for their children, and for business people, it means developing, investing, and growing their businesses. For employees, on the other hand, it means doing the needful for the collective growth of the firm. On a general note, cross can refer to the burden or process one has to bear or undergo to be successful.
What, therefore, is your cross? Yes, there’s no human being on earth without a cross. The crosses we carry, however, vary. The cross is like pain. We all experience it differently. Just like it’s usually said in some social parlance, one man’s meat is another’s poison. Someone’s pain might be someone’s gain, and what might appear heavy for someone might be fun for another.
We can easily juxtapose the case of a wealthy man without a child with that of a poor man with children. They want what the other doesn’t have. Another scenario is where someone has enough wealth, but the children are not responsive to tutelage. Now contrast that to a case where someone might have just one or two children who are very responsible, but does not have the money to support their needs and training.
Another scenario is where a student might have money, but lacks understanding to pass a subject, unlike another student who might be poor, but is extremely intelligent. I can go on and on, but as a sage would say, a word is enough for the wise.
In the journey of life, everyone carries a cross at a particular point in time. This cross appears in various stages. The newly born child must undergo the process of crawling, walking, and running. At each stage, the child carried a cross. In the same way, when the child is two years old, the interest of the child changes. And it is when he becomes four years, six years, eight years, 10 years, 15 years, 20 years, 25 years, 30 years, 35 years, 40 years 50 years and 60 years, and continues to change as the years add. A closer look will explain that the child will definitely carry a cross at each stage of their life until they leave this world. The cross never ends, it just changes.
The same principle is applicable to relationships. During dating or courtship, the way partners relate is quite different from when they are married. When they are married, their love language is different, and when the kids begin to come in, it’s a different story. When their marriage hits five, 10, 15, 20, and 30 years, it’s a different ball game entirely. The interesting thing here is that what ordinarily might not be a problem during their first three years might threaten their marriage in five or ten years because the cross they carry has shifted.
Everyone has a cross, irrespective of profession. I call this cross “secret frustration”. What makes the ultimate difference is how we manage the pain or frustration. If the pain, challenge, or cross is properly managed, one will not appear burnt; however, if the pain takes a toll on you, one will pay the price, and if not properly managed, it can have an adverse repercussion.
Furthermore, carrying one’s cross involves carrying one’s responsibility and vision. Nobody will carry it for you. Imagine having a vision and giving it to someone else; nobody will carry your vision for you, nor will anyone do the work for you.
In my personal experience in life, I have always searched for men who can pour into me, whether financially, academically, mentally, spiritually and health-wise. One may wonder what I gained during the period. I was disappointed on several occasions. It was the moment I realized my life and success were entirely in my hands, I became intentional in carrying my cross, and results began to trickle in. The moral of my experience is that nobody will save you; you must save yourself. The best anybody can do is to assist you to save you.
One of the surprising things I have discovered when people carry their crosses is that others appear to be spectators; they observe with reservation to see how life will unfold for you. By the time one succeeds, these observers appear like flies to grab their own share of the largesse they didn’t invest in. Suddenly, they become entitled to your hard-earned money and opportunities that they didn’t contribute to making.
As one of my mentors will say, you are allowed to do the work, but you are not permitted to eat alone. These sets of ignorant minds fail to understand the importance of taking risks, sacrificing and building strategic relationships. These are the strong pillars that separate an ordinary mind from an extraordinary man.
The moral of this analysis is that the extraordinary man was intentional in carrying his cross by taking strategic risks, experiencing failures, and building and investing in strategic relationships, which culminated in their success, but the ordinary man was merely concerned with staying in their comfort zones.
It’s instructive to note that it’s not easy for anyone; everyone is dealing with something. Sometimes, people make foolish mistakes and make poor decisions, which cost them a fortune, and they expect someone who they consider a Lamb of God to take away their sins, but life doesn’t work that way. If you ask someone for assistance and they say they can’t afford it, please don’t be mad, because if you can, you wouldn’t ask them.
In conclusion, I don’t know what your situation is, but I’m here to tell you, your cross is valid, and your cross will not only design your destiny, but it will unleash your destiny which will ultimately set you apart. So, don’t be hard on yourself when you are carrying your cross, it’s part of life’s journey and process to fashion and unleash you to the world.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design and Unleash Your Destiny . He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
