Dear Destiny Friends,
The best helping hand you will ever find is at the end of your own arm – John Mason
One of the best forms of love, if not the best, is self-love. The ultimate truth is that apart from the creator, nobody can love you more than you can love yourself.
As human beings, sometimes, we depend on other people’s love to feel loved. Some people even desire social media and online love just to be accepted into the society. No doubt, everyone loves attention and approval.
Everyone loves to be accepted, appreciated, and recognized, but some of us are not ready to do the needful to attract the desired attention. The simple truth about life is that nobody can give you attention, nor will anyone give you recognition if you have not given them a reason to do so. So, one needs to help themselves before other people can help them.
Helping yourself is the best thing that can happen to you. When you help yourself, the joy hits differently. Helping yourself is not limited to adding value to your life. Did you know that self-care is a lifestyle, and it is one of the ways to help your life. Some of the ways self-care can help your life are engaging in regular exercise, eating healthy, avoiding drugs and alcohol, and sleeping well. Self-help also involves taking care of your mental, emotional, physical, environment, recreational, financial, social, physical, and spiritual needs.
Did you know that practicing simple self-care activities can help one achieve greater mental clarity, and gain a better understanding of their feelings?
Helping oneself is okay so long as it doesn’t involve unlawful actions or breach of peace. It’s sad to see people engage in illegality just to get what they want.
Those that depend on fellow human beings for help might be disappointed. Even though they may not have the intention to fail you, life sometimes happens. They too might be going through personal challenges. Always leave a space in your heart to forgive or overlook when supposed friends, mentors, family members, mentors and benefactors don’t come through for you.
The sad reality of life is that, most times, we like to receive from resourceful persons, but we don’t seem to ask who will give to them. Do you think manna will fall from heaven for them? No. They must find creative ways to make ends meet. One of my mentors once stated, ‘you can work alone, but you can’t eat alone’.
What you don’t know is that these resourceful people were able to help themselves. That’s why they were able to get assistance from established institutions and resourceful people. Some of them might have had business plans which they pitched to a team of panelists. Some developed programmes, sowed seeds, traveled far and wide and made mistakes while searching for the right path. These are some ways of helping oneself.
I have always stated, we all go through a secret frustration which nobody knows. For a fact, it is easier for people to assist you when you have added adequate value to your life. When you do, people won’t see you as a liability, rather, they will see you as a resource being.
In my journey towards life, I have realized that when you have a mentor or leader you respect, your ability to do the work will enable them to put the icing on the cake. I vividly remember when I published my first book, I had to reach out to Dr. Chief Dele Momodu to write the Foreword to my book. He was kind enough to accept my request. Imagine, if I had not written the book, the opportunity wouldn’t have arisen.
Now, you see that I was able to help myself before help came through. Isn’t it true that heaven helps those who help themselves.
In contemporary times, sometimes, we hope and rely on family members, friends, mentors, associates, mentees, benefactors and more, to help our craft just because we feel and think they are in a better position to assist us, depending on their position or status, but the reality is that sometimes we ask people things that are beyond them and when they refuse to assist, we feel offended.
One of my mentors, Dr. Yomi Garnett, rightly stated as follows, “So your aunt won’t help you financially. Your well-connected uncle won’t give you an introductory note to his minister-friend. Refuse to despise or resent them. Forgive them. Make excuses for them, such as they have enough challenges of their own. Then promptly take responsibility for your own life and your own success by asking God to show you His way.”
I can relate to Dr. Garnett’s statement because, in the past, I have tried to reach some people, some I shared my programmes for consideration, while others came via introduction. In most of these engagements, I couldn’t get what I wanted either because I didn’t come prepared, or was yet to develop the required capacity and competence to execute the task. However, when I developed expertise, they came for me, and in some cases, I was highly recommended. This is the reality of life; people generally love ripe fruits as opposed to unripe fruits which don’t taste nice.
During my formative years, I depended on people to the extent I felt entitled for their support because I felt they were rich, wealthy, and highly connected. I didn’t realize life doesn’t work that way. It was much later in life I realized that it will be easier for them to share their network and net worth with me when I have helped myself. As a matter of fact, that has become my fate because I have had opportunities to relate and work closely with some of my benefactors.
Today, I charge you to make an intentional effort to help yourself. Give your life a meaning. Stop complaining and start to take action to change the course of your life. You are not alone in this struggle; we are all in it together. Remember, nobody can write your story more than you and if you don’t talk about yourself, nobody will talk about you.
In conclusion, endeavor to help yourself so others can help you.
Henry Ukazu writes from New York. He works with the New York City Department of Correction as the Legal Coordinator. He’s the founder of Gloemi. He’s a Transformative Human Capacity and Mindset coach. He is also a public speaker, youth advocate, creative writer and author of Design Your Destiny Design Your and Unleash Your Destiny . He can be reached via info@gloemi.com
